“… envy is ignorance… imitation is suicide…” - Emerson
We were all given one body, just one. Why do we feel the need to destroy it and loathe it so much? We fast, and binge, and purge, and cut. We are cursed with mental illnesses that make us hate our brains and our bodies and some of us are unable to fight the darkness deep inside of us.
But now it’s time.
It’s time to tell yourself, “I deserve better.”
Because we all do. We deserve a future, full of love, and family, and friends, and dreams and goals. There is so much positivity we can fill our lives up with. The more we allow the good things into our lives and the more we tell ourselves that our life can be fuller, the more we can slowly push all of that self hate and anger outwards to make more room for good days.
I know it is difficult, and I know that sometimes you feel like you can’t take anymore. But I promise you, the more you fight, the stronger you will become. It is possible. It is exhausting and a rollercoaster of emotions, but I promise you it is possible. You dont have to do it alone, I am here, and many other people are here for you too.
So when it gets too difficult, reach out for help, because you deserve a much fuller life. Just remember, please don’t stop fighting, because one day it will all be worth the pain, and tears.
If you need to talk, I’ll listen.
To my Eating Disorder… I hate you. I hate that I let you into my life and I hate how you’ve seeped into every crack of my mind and how you’re slowly destroying it all. I hate how even 5 years later you still plague me and prevent me from doing so many things. You took away my teenage years. I have missed so much. You turned my mind against me and made me hate every fibre of my being. You’ve prevented me from doing so many things. I can’t remember so many times in my life by what happened, still, you feel that you have to take more. Most of all, I hate that even though you’ve done all of this to me, I’m still unwilling to let you go completely because without you, I don’t know who I am.
You slowly crept up on me 3 years ago when I felt insignificant and like any other girl, decided weight loss was the answer. It was so healthy at first, I lost 7lbs in 3 months, and ate a lot of healthy food.
But it was never enough. You slowly but surely consumed me and made me into the ‘person’ I am today. The person who can not think of anything other than food, calories, and weight.
Well fuck you ED. I can’t say I’m ready for recovery. But I can’t say I believe your lies anymore. You won’t give me happiness, you won’t bring anything good. All you bring is unhealthy obsessions and depression. You made me hate myself and everyone around me. You made me lose a bit of weight, but nothing can compare to everything else you made me lose. I lost my life. But I’ll get it back. I know I will. I’m sick of hearing your voice every moment of every day, telling me I’m not good enough, I’m fat, I need to starve.
Because, ED, you‘re wrong.
I am a human being, and I deserve to treat myself like one. I deserve to eat, to laugh, to smile. And I will again one day. You’ll see.
Submitted by lightfragility.