Here are a few different photos of thinspo.
If you believe that looking at photos like these promote healthy weight loss, you need to rethink that.
If you are trying to achieve seeing your bones, that is not healthy.
If you pressure yourself to only eat a specific amount of food that is lower than a proper daily intake, that is not healthy.
If you work out excessively without enough nutrition every day, that is not healthy.
If you fast for a day or more because you are angry about eating unhealthily, that is far from healthy.
Being healthy and losing weight properly is a slow process. If you drop weight really quickly on purpose, that is abusing your body and is NOT healthy.
Every person on this planet has a different body type and so we can’t even try to achieve to look how someone else does, because that’s just impossible.
All we should achieve is to be as healthy and happy as we can be and fasting/purging/purposely eating less calories/over exercising is not the way to go about it because it can get out of control and become something too big to stop.
A year ago, I was sitting in this bedroom and I was calculating how many calories I should deprive my body of to be dead as soon as humanly possible. Writing that now makes me feel ashamed by it is the truth. I had hidden myself from everyone that loved me and lied continously about the food I was consuming and I thought I would doing it so well. But the truth is, everyone could see how sick I was getting. Looking at pictures, I still don’t see how emanciated I apparently was, but when people talk about it, you can see in their eyes that it was the truth.
My goal from my diagnosed anorexia was not to get to a perfect weight, but to be so sickly thin that it would kill me. I didn’t care how I looked, I felt pretty good I thought when thinking back to it now, I was a robot. I felt nothing, I hid away and I wasted every day, with numbers of calories being the only thing that consumed my every thought. I didn’t care about my family, I didn’t care about my son, I just wanted to die and torture my body as slow and as painfully as I could.
Anorexia does take all of the bad feelings away, I know I didn’t cry for a long time before I got help, but it also takes all of the good feelings life gives you. I didn’t smile, I didn’t laugh, I just honestly did not feel a thing. Some people may say how great that must have been, but it wasn’t. I was so numb, that I couldn’t imagine ever actually feeling again.
Thankfully, I was taken to Emergency by my psychologist and forcefully admitted into hospital. My parents knew that I was going to be admitted, but I wasn’t told a thing and I am so happy now that I had no idea, because I know I would have done something stupid to make sure that didn’t happen. I didn’t want to lose ‘Ana’, I felt like that was all I had. I felt like I was so strong and worthy because I could starve my body for such long periods of time. But I know now it is all a lie.
I wasn’t strong, I was weak and had completely given up and my brain was so under nourished, that I couldn’t see what damage I was doing to myself, and to everyone around me.
It has been a year. I still struggle every day, but I thank everyone that loved me and supported me through the hardest times because I can now feel. I can read a book and actually feel something whilst doing so. I can look at my son and be over taken completely by my love for him. I can hear a song and smile. I can laugh genuinely. I can kiss my girlfriend and feel desire and love and hope and feel my craving for our future together. I can hug my Mum and feel the warmth. I can go to DBT and feel proud when I understand what I am learning.
There are so many things that I can enjoy now that I am not hurting myself. It is hard to want to let go of sometimes, but life should be more than just strolling through, unexcited and unenthused. We should feel all of the emotions we can because even when we ache with sadness and anxiety and anger, there is still a whole spectrum of wholesome and amazing emotions we can also experience. We have to take the good and the bad as a whole, but it is worth it.
If you are struggling, know that it does genuinely get easier. The emptiness isn’t worth it, life has so much to offer to you and you just can’t see it yet. But I promise, one day you will wake up and you will feel strong and brave and ready. But until then, fight like hell. Eat food when you are hungry, see friends even when you don’t want to, tell people how you genuinely feel, don’t isolate yourself.
We have one life, so why do we feel such a need to not actually experience it? Eating disorders give you one thing, hell. They take all of the good away and turn you into an emotionless skeleton and it’s such a disappointment because why do we try to run away from all of the good things when we haven’t yet had the opportunity to experience them yet. We are humans and we should be living this life. Every single person on this planet deserves that chance, even if they don’t believe it.